4/20/2018 1 Comment April 21st, 2018It was hard not to address the dead body on the sidewalk. It appears out of place on a sunny afternoon. People crowd around as two others rotate through CPR with more on their phones calling in the situation. My friend and I decide the situation is under control as Paladin Security roll in and we hear sirens approaching. The experience leaves a strange feeling.
I feel a murky sadness as if I'm deeply disturbed but unaware of how to process it. In simpler times I probably would have known his name. However, in a world so large a stranger passing doesn't mean much, or does it? I'm not really sure. I just wanted to get it out of my system. It's not a feeling I want to hold onto, yet, recognizing it won't let it pass. I wonder how many people have seen a dead body. A lifeless sack of meat whose governing force has dissipated into the void. What memories of him are left behind? What is his legacy? Who knew him? All these things I will not know. He might just pop up as another Fentanyl overdose statistic: 1 in 7 billion. I read something interesting on a related note. An article in the Globe and Mail talking about the Vancouver Model of money laundering. Something unique to our West Coast city where the Chinese underground have been washing cash through casinos and then putting it into real estate. The article was talking about synthetic opioids these organized crime groups are bringing with them. Turns out the friend I was staying with in East Vancouver was right. I can be pretty ignorant to the shadow society of humanity. There's a lot that goes unseen. "The subtleties of of humanity" sounds like a good book title for this. It could be filled with adjunct narratives of differing lifestyles. The word omni-consideration comes to mind. To consider all perspectives. To build upon perspectives instead of clashing with opposing ones. It's an art-form I'm sure. I first heard of omni-consideration from the video The Transition involving thought leaders looking to transform civilization in the face of it's collapse. Omni-consideration is an art-form that challenges confirmation bias in favour of learning from others. A relatively simple process that goes seemingly unforgotten as we entrap ourselves in digital asylums and forgo conversation as they can be uncomfortable. Lets not forget aversion is one of the three poisons of Buddhism. The three poisons are ignorance, greed, and aversion. They are the roots of dissatisfaction and suffering in mundane life. I'm no Buddhist scholar. I just fit things in as I see them in an attempt to live life. No different than anyone else. I can see that my thoughts are quickly going to go down the philosophical rabbit hole on a question that has plagued humanity "how to live a good life?" I think most have experienced moments of extreme goodness. When the quality of the moment brings us to an existential peak of excellence. They are markers that I am on the right path, for me. Every path is relatively different even if we all end up dead. I think that's what I was looking for. I can, like anyone, be overly self-centered, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate of others. However, what death makes me think about is how will I be remembered? Is that an underlying universal drive? If it is than should I not realize that nothing in life is truly about me, but about what I leave behind? The memories in others achieved in the elated excellence of peak experiences, the relationships I form, and my actions? If I want to be remembered what I really want is for others to have a good life? As then they would remember me in a good way. I mean that's what I want for myself, and I should treat others like how I want to be treated. That's not to say that I need to be self-sacrificial. I think that by pursuing the good in my life I naturally extend it to others. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." For me the pursuit of the good life is one of individualization a pathway to self-actualization. A process of finding my unique gift to give to the world. Following Marianne Williamson's poem quoted above the process of self-liberation/actualization and individualization is one that automatically liberates those around us. Part of my growing philosophy around omni-consideration is that I must consider that everyone has a gift to give. To die without giving my gift seems to fall short of the potential legacy I can leave behind. By blocking others from their gift means humanity falls short... like the dude on the sidewalk.
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4/18/2018 4 Comments April 18th, 2018I'm writing in reprieve of distraction. Albeit short-lived. I've gotten away from my routines and realize the importance of bringing them back. They keep me happy and functioning. Without them I fall into a strange motionless state of apathy. My distractions run rampant when I'm like that. So, I've downloaded an app and website blocker for my phone. It's called BlockSite. I have it set up so that anytime I go to facebook I'm met with a picture of an old lady sternly gazing out at me telling me to "back away slowly." A humorous break to the otherwise cyclical process of my social media addiction. I'll admit it that the psychological engineers working under ol' Zuckerberg have gotten me good. I'm hoping this intervention will do me good. Another intervention of sorts is a camping trip I'm planning out to the Central Walbran. I'm looking to do five days out in Canada's unique temperate rain-forest. My plan is to spend sometime in solitude while hiking and reflecting on the state of things. I'm planning in some solid introspection, excercise, food and exploration. I'll accredit the inspiration to Robert Bly's Iron John that has led to a journey of self-discovery already. I'm excited to get out into the forest. As I was buying missing items I had a rather long in-depth conversation with Dave from Robbinson's Outdoor Store. I started off with questions about road conditions but the conversation quickly evolved into one about forestry. Vancouver Island has a temperate old-growth rainforest that is considered endangered. The ecosystem takes roughly 150 years to mature and can live to be 3000 years old. Our forestry cycle doesn't allow them to grow back and makes this rain-forest a non-renewable resource. However, we are still cutting 34 soccer fields of it a day. Within the political scheme we have loggers versus millworkers, pulp and paper workers, tourism, and environmentalists. The latter group is calling for sustainable second-growth logging with a value-added industry. A fancy way of saying to focus on cutting areas that have already been cut while milling the logs in-province. However, a complication comes from the softwood agreement that is restricting access to American markets who historically took the majority of our milled wood. Our government with foresight made trade agreements with Asia. The catch is that Asia markets, especially China, have different standards for wood. They don't process them in the classic 2x4 sense and means our mills can't produce products their interested in. Instead we ship a growing proportion of our old-growth logs raw. An interesting component that I learned from Dave was the role of the provincial government. They are largely responsible for the pricing of log exports and for stumpage fees. What I find interesting is that the government keeps the price of old-growth lumber artificially lower. Otherwise, there is a huge incentive to ramp up logging practices and clear cut everything in-sight. Poaching is already an issue with little to no policing and would also see an increase in activities if things were to be priced higher. Stumpage fee's are essentially the cost of doing business and can also be used as a incentive of disincentive for the rate of logging. I want to come back to the loggers versus millworkers, pulp and paper workers. When I first started with the Ancient Forest Alliance I thought our forestry industry was a cohesive unit. So, I became confused when I saw mill workers at our environmental rallies and after asking around found out why. Loggers are in Steelworkers Union while the latter fall into the Private and Public Workers of Canada (PPWC) and Unifor. The group is at odds with each other. Loggers get a premium to ship raw logs to China. They aren't as interested in ensuring we continue to process our resources in the province. Communities end up suffering because profits aren't being diffused among their local residents. Therefore, another reason to protect these forests besides ecological is economical. Through the work made largely by the Ancient Forest Alliance, and the Wilderness Committee, we now have two large business lobbies on our side, the BC Chamber of Commerce and the Union of BC municipalities. Both groups passed resolutions stating communities can benefit more from having old-growth left standing than cutting it down. Why? Ecotourism. People are coming from all around the globe to see these massive trees. They aren't coming to see clearcuts and most are confused why we still allow the logging of old-growth trees. Port Renfrew has been benefiting massively from the Ancient Forest Alliance's marking around Avatar Grove. Port Renfrew was the case study that persuaded the previously mentioned resolutions. Avatar Grove see's 10,000 people a year now and Port Renfrew has finally built a gas station. An important step as it becomes an ecotourism hub that can bring people into the Central Walbran, the place where I'll be camping next week. The Wilderness Committee has been building boardwalks out there for a few years making trails very accessible. With boardwalks, like the one you can find in Avatar Grove, the identity of forest is competed against. Of the forest becoming one of a park, or one of clearcut. With ecotourism now worth one billion dollars more than forestry I can understand why. Thankfully, that also means we can preserve our ecological services as more and more people recognize the benefits of old-growth forests for recreation, spiritualism, and a healthy environment. A long yet short speel on something I love: forests. If you ever get a hand on my notebooks you'll see most of my doodles are of tree's. I was absent mindingly doodling while watching The Office last night when all this clicked. By 'all this' I mean the recognition that I need to get my shit together. To focus in rather than focus out. Block out distractions. Get back into morning meditation, yoga, and running. More importantly, back into writing in my journal and blog on a regular basis. It's how I keep my otherwise chaotic mind orderly. If I can spend the two-ish hours required for the first three, and time in the evening for writing I'll be better off. The process focuses my thinking onto particular things and lets me think them out more thoroughly. By doing so I know I'll achieve more things I am proud of and with my new job at Urban Systems I know clients, the company, my mentors, and myself will be better off to. Thank you. 4/3/2018 3 Comments April 03rd, 2018I spent the night camping at Lizard Lake, BC. The other campsites were closed or filled. My girlfriend and I would spend a few hours on the dock soaking in the sun before we combated the cold of the night with the first campfire of the year. We had to breakthrough a thin layer of ice on the water the next morning.
Camping is a good excuse to get back into nature. I’ve spent the couple weeks with limited access to the woods. Mt. Doug is always close by but it’s nice to switch things up. So cheers to the first camping trip of the season. I’m looking forward to many more that come my way. Brooklyn and I enjoy camping for various reasons. We can disconnect our phones and simplify our lives. We also spend a lot of the time reflecting. A process that leaves me stumped on where to begin. I am in my fourth month back to Victoria and with over two years canvassing for environmental causes I’ll soon be leaving. The job is rewarding. However, I can’t help to answer the call to action on larger matters. Going door-to-door doesn’t really have the impact and I feel like I’ve outgrown the role. I’m looking to take my skills in communication elsewhere. Luckily, that opportunity has come my way. I’ve been offered a new job at Urban Systems. I’m excited. I met Ehren while going door-to-door. I remember the night being filled with people saying they’ll donate online. Ehren was different. He had a newborn baby in his arms, two other children running around, and rightfully claimed he didn’t have time. I told that “most people don’t” and “that’s why we spend the time for you.” Pushing the environmental agenda through is no easy task and many individuals have laboured for decades. I had his attention. We went through the basics of the Wilderness Committee who believes that an informed public is an empowered public that preserves wildlands and wildlife mostly through education. He didn’t donate. Although, he told me to message me more information and his company may donate, and to message him my career aspirations. I’m thankful I have spent the time since graduation in April 2017 from the University of Victoria. At the door I told him that I am interested in research, communications, and project development. I learned that after volunteering with the Wildfire Economic Recovery Team in Quesnel. The affirmation was built on my previous experience in creating Forever Green Dialogues, a university club. I emailed Ehren who then asked me for coffee. Narrowing down what I want to do in life has been a long process. Writing has helped but it’s the conversation with friends and family that have given clarity. There’s something about a conversation that lets me come to new conclusions. I guess because I don’t get stuck in the cycle of my own perspective. I also crave feedback. I’m open-minded to critique. Although, like anybody, I can get defensive in the moment. However, it’s the positive and negative feedback that I have taken in earnest that has led me to where I am. I’d consider myself humble and maybe that helps. Either way, my own self-perception and confidence is a result of those directly around me. I only had to let the old me die. The last sentence reminds of a recurrent dream. In these dreams I was constantly fighting off zombies. They were always sieging the area I was in and I always managed to keep them off. Until one night a zombie managed to bite me on the arm. At that moment I reached over and pulled a handgun from another’s belt. I put the cold metal in my mouth and summoned the courage and will to pull the trigger. It was the first time I legitimately experienced dream death. There was no sudden shock. Instead, the world slowly faded as time slowed and I fell to the ground. My mind was filled with warm bliss oddly comforting in the chaos. I faded from existence as I awoke in my bed. I’ve been going under a lot of personal transformations over the past year. My awareness has ballooned out and I’ve honed my focus. Skilled in communication and having accepted rejection it’s easier to pursue what I want. The coffee with Ehren went well. He seemed just as excited as I was. The coffee dove into my background and experiences, interests and passions, as well as my perspective on canvassing. We talked about having another coffee with one of his colleagues. It took close to two months and we recently finished the second meet up. I found out that Ehren has been creating a position for me at Urban Systems. Normally, the company hires engineer-type individuals that are niched into their specific fields. Ehren wanted someone that was more of a generalist. He described the position has radial. Learning a bit of everything on the roughly 100 services provided by this consulting company. The title of the position is junior advisor. I’m not sure what that means. To be honest, I’m not sure they really know what the position is either. The path will be undefined and he doesn’t want me to be type-casted as an engineer, economist, or some other specialist. I’m waiting for the offer letter that will be coming sometime next week. I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity. I’m lucky to have met Ehren while canvassing on my second or third night back. I’m happy I spent months bucketing out the pond of my existence to get clarity on what I wanted. From our conversations I now research, communications, and project development is a given; I know I will receive mentorship; I’ll be working in teams of project-oriented individuals; I’ll be able to step up. I think my community is also as excited as I am. So, I’d like to thank them for giving me the confidence, the wit, and the understanding that has brought me to where I am. To my parents, my sisters, and friends. To my canvassing mentors at the Ancient Forest Alliance, and Wilderness Committee. You hold a space near to my heart. Onwards and upwards. |
AuthorRobin Roger Gagne is a freelance writer, web designer, and SEO wizard. Archives
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